Or the post where I introduce you to one of my stranger personality quirks.
I have to give myself permission to do things.
For example I decided a few months ago that one week of the month was going to be my “Relationships Week” or the week where most things are left to the side but every opportunity I had to hang out with someone, I took it. And I felt no guilt at the end of each day for the simple meals, the slightly messier surroundings and the full schedule. It was Relationships Week. I hung out with friends today! Mission accomplished!
If I finish a day and am not able to point to something that I’ve accomplished, I generally feel guilty that I haven’t done enough (because taking care of a 17-month-old clearly doesn’t count as an accomplishment). But if at the start of the day, I decide I’m not going to do anything, I feel great at the end of the day. Rested, relaxed, and feeling generally well.
See, I told you. It’s a bit bizarre, and maybe next October I’ll do a 31 day series on how to deal with unnecessary guilt feelings, but I digress.
I was thinking about this as I grated carrots for a lentil loaf this morning, and I was thinking about the different ways I could grate carrots, how to be less messy, should I skin the carrot or not, buy organic or not, and then I thought, Don’t be ridiculous, these carrots are fine, you are fine, everything is fine. And all was well in my head again.
Permission. I have to give myself Official Devi Permission before I am able to change the way I feel about something.
Comparison can become such a way of life in our heads that we have to give ourselves permission to live differently, permission to think differently, permission to be different.
No, I will not measure the success of my life against the success of someone else’s.
No, I will not look to fashion magazines to give me an idea of what I should look like.
No, I will not think badly about someone who is “better” than me at something.
No, I will not get depressed because I’m not “where I should be” at this point in my life.
Yes, I will create the home I love based on the things we love and the things that represent us.
Yes, I will parent my child in the way I think is best for him, not in the way that other people think is best for their children.
Yes, I will choose to study something that I interested in, not something that will give me a stable job.
Yes, I will spend my money wisely and use it to buy what I need, not what other people need.
Yes, I will think about myself with love, I will speak to myself with grace, and I will be kind to my life.
Each thought gives me permission to think, live and love differently. A better way, a way that is not entwined in an unhealthy way with other people.
Today, give yourself permission to stop comparing yourself and your life to other people.