day 24: permission granted

Or the post where I introduce you to one of my stranger personality quirks.

I have to give myself permission to do things.

For example I decided a few months ago that one week of the month was going to be my “Relationships Week” or the week where most things are left to the side but every opportunity I had to hang out with someone, I took it. And I felt no guilt at the end of each day for the simple meals, the slightly messier surroundings and the full schedule. It was Relationships Week. I hung out with friends today! Mission accomplished!

If I finish a day and am not able to point to something that I’ve accomplished, I generally feel guilty that I haven’t done enough (because taking care of a 17-month-old clearly doesn’t count as an accomplishment). But if at the start of the day, I decide I’m not going to do anything, I feel great at the end of the day. Rested, relaxed, and feeling generally well.

See, I told you. It’s a bit bizarre, and maybe next October I’ll do a 31 day series on how to deal with unnecessary guilt feelings, but I digress.

I was thinking about this as I grated carrots for a lentil loaf this morning, and I was thinking about the different ways I could grate carrots, how to be less messy, should I skin the carrot or not, buy organic or not, and then I thought, Don’t be ridiculous, these carrots are fine, you are fine, everything is fine. And all was well in my head again.

Permission. I have to give myself Official Devi Permission before I am able to change the way I feel about something.

Comparison can become such a way of life in our heads that we have to give ourselves permission to live differently, permission to think differently, permission to be different. 

No, I will not measure the success of my life against the success of someone else’s.

No, I will not look to fashion magazines to give me an idea of what I should look like.

No, I will not think badly about someone who is “better” than me at something.

No, I will not get depressed because I’m not “where I should be” at this point in my life.

Yes, I will create the home I love based on the things we love and the things that represent us. 

Yes, I will parent my child in the way I think is best for him, not in the way that other people think is best for their children.

Yes, I will choose to study something that I interested in, not something that will give me a stable job. 

Yes, I will spend my money wisely and use it to buy what I need, not what other people need.

Yes, I will think about myself with love, I will speak to myself with grace, and I will be kind to my life.

Each thought gives me permission to think, live and love differently. A better way, a way that is not entwined in an unhealthy way with other people.

Today, give yourself permission to stop comparing yourself and your life to other people.

I’m writing daily in October as part of The Nester’s 31 Days challenge, check out my posts here, and head over to the Nesting Place for other great 31 Days topics.

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